Copyright 2018 Marline E. Pearson 10.3 Understanding Sexual Regrets Begin by saying you want to read aloud some quotes from real teens. Read aloud Miguel and Amber’s statements on pg. 32 in the workbook. We often hear of guys pressuring girls, but it seems like Miguel was pressured by a girl. That happens. And what if Miguel was gay or questioning? Guys pressure other guys too, just as girls can pressure girls. As was mentioned earlier, 61.6% of teens have not had intercourse. (CDC, YRBS 2019) And surveys show most teens who have had sex wish they had waited. Many say that sex didn’t turn out as they had imagined or hoped for. For others, sexual involvement simply made things complicated. Another interesting finding is that 8 out of 10 first-time teen, sexual relationships last 6 months or less, and one-quarter are one-time affairs.3 Point out that although young people hear a lot about the risks of STDs and pregnancy, hardly anyone talks about some of the emotional and social risks of sex-too-soon for teens of any gender, identity, or orientation. Present four of them as food for thought. (PP) Some Emotional Risks of Sex-Too-Soon 1. The hurt from unmatched expectations. Sex always carries expectations. One person may expect or assume that sex means something, like tender and mutual feelings for each other, a relationship, or love. For another, it merely may mean we did it and we’ll do it again. It can hurt to find out you were not on the same page whatsoever. How many people have a deep discussion about their sexual values? 2. Sex can change a relationship or keep it from growing. Because of unmatched expectations over the meaning of sex, there is less honesty and less talking about true feelings, which leads, in turn, to more wondering about the real feelings and intentions of the other person. Then comes the tension. One pressures for more sex the other pressures for a relationship. The result? Instead of honesty, openness, and meaningful conversations that build a bond of friendship, trust, and intimacy, there is more questioning, dishonesty, avoidance, second-guessing, or pressuring. 3. Sex can take over a relationship. Sex can become the major focus. It means that it’s mainly planning opportunities for sex instead of doing fun things together and enjoying each other’s company. Workbook: Intimacy—It’s Not Just a Physical Thing (pg. 32) Workbook: The Connections that Build Intimacy (pg. 33) 8 minutes LESSON 10 197
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