Lesson 6 121 Copyright 2018 Marline E. Pearson 1. Talk to a trusted and wise person: Discuss the reasons the relationship does not work. If they encourage drama, chasing after him or her in a desperate way, or won’t keep your conversation private, they are not wise or a person to trust. Tell friends and family when you’re ending it. If you have any concerns for your safety or how the person will react, ask a trusted adult to assist you. 2. Pick a time and place to tell the person yourself: Do not break up in front of his or her friends. The person may become emotional. They may cry, be angry, or want to talk. Give him or her the respect privacy provides. Don’t tell the person right before a big event such as their birthday, a game, performance, or the start of the school or workday. A good time is a Saturday or Friday after school or work. This will give you both time to process it and to talk to supportive people. Be sure to tell the person yourself. Caution: If you think the person may become violent, break up in a safe place. There should be helpful people nearby and present. Seek support and advice from the local domestic violence group to develop a safety plan if you are afraid of your ex. 3. Make a clean break: Don’t put it off. Spell it out clearly. Be honest and direct, but not cruel. Say: “I want to break up. This relationship is over.” Or, “I do not have the same feelings anymore.” Do not string someone along. And remember, you do not have to argue or convince the person. Your feelings are your own. 4. Have a method to avoid cruelty: Include in your conversation what you like and appreciate about the other person. But don’t give false hope or mixed messages about your decision. 5. Caution: If a person threatens to harm, or even to kill him or herself, if you break up, you must reach out for help. Their threat may make you feel guilty, scared, or angry but you can and should still end things. Even though this is emotional blackmail to make you feel responsible and not break up, this threat has to be taken seriously. This is why you must reach out to your parents, his or her parents, a school counselor, or another caring adult for help in handling this. The national suicide crisis hotline is 1-800-273- 8255. If there is immediate danger, call 911.