LESSON 5 • 81
Copyright 2023 Marline E. Pearson
❖ Unmet needs can motivate people to try to get these needs met in unhealthy ways. It’s natural to try to get
these basic needs met.
• For example, a teen who feels abandoned or neglected by a parent might seek to meet the emotional
need for love and security through unwise and hasty relationship choices. It is like the saying,
“Looking for love in all the wrong places.”
• Sometimes, to get acceptance or approval from other people—to satisfy mental needs—a person
might do things to win acceptance, recognition, or to look good. But these may be behaviors that break
the law or get them in trouble.
• At times, a person might go along with the group to fit in or engage in certain behaviors to meet the
social need to belong. But they aren’t being true to themselves.
• Sadly, some kids have been physically, emotionally, or sexually abused by those who are supposed
to love and protect them. Because of this, as a teenager, they may have a hard time knowing if a
relationship is healthy or if a person is safe.
❖ The main point for our discussion today is that people can get involved in unhealthy relationships or
friendships in order to get these needs met. The needs are normal and real. But, some of those relationships
and behaviors can have real risks.
Read aloud the very short but engaging Brad’s Story. It is a short reflection
by a 20-year-old male looking back on how he tried to meet his unmet
needs with girls who, in turn, had their own unmet needs. (PP)
❖ I would like to read a quote from a 20-year-old guy named Brad:
Brad—Looking Back…: I’m in a relationship right now that is probably the best one I’ve had so far. I’ve
had a lot of messed-up relationships in the past. Two years ago, and before asking Chelsea out, I stopped
hooking up. I needed time to re-examine my priorities and to focus on my goals. I think that this extended
period of reflection helped me recognize the reasons I became attracted to certain types of girls. It helped me
figure out what good traits I wanted in a partner. Before re-examining my priorities, I would exclusively
pick girls who appeared promiscuous and troubled, just like me. I had lots of baggage myself—some of it
related to the fact I moved seven times as a kid and had to deal with my mom’s abusive boyfriends.
Anyway, with all my previous relationships, I believed that I was there for sex with a “throw-away” girl
and would have no trouble dropping her if the relationship got to be trouble or too taxing. What would
often happen is that I would feel like I had “fallen in love” with them, and they would manipulate me into a
wretched lump—seeing they were better at the “mind games”. They were generally pretty troubled and had
rough childhood experiences, including divorce and sexual abuse.
READ ALOUD
Brad’s Story
Copyright 2023 Marline E. Pearson
❖ Unmet needs can motivate people to try to get these needs met in unhealthy ways. It’s natural to try to get
these basic needs met.
• For example, a teen who feels abandoned or neglected by a parent might seek to meet the emotional
need for love and security through unwise and hasty relationship choices. It is like the saying,
“Looking for love in all the wrong places.”
• Sometimes, to get acceptance or approval from other people—to satisfy mental needs—a person
might do things to win acceptance, recognition, or to look good. But these may be behaviors that break
the law or get them in trouble.
• At times, a person might go along with the group to fit in or engage in certain behaviors to meet the
social need to belong. But they aren’t being true to themselves.
• Sadly, some kids have been physically, emotionally, or sexually abused by those who are supposed
to love and protect them. Because of this, as a teenager, they may have a hard time knowing if a
relationship is healthy or if a person is safe.
❖ The main point for our discussion today is that people can get involved in unhealthy relationships or
friendships in order to get these needs met. The needs are normal and real. But, some of those relationships
and behaviors can have real risks.
Read aloud the very short but engaging Brad’s Story. It is a short reflection
by a 20-year-old male looking back on how he tried to meet his unmet
needs with girls who, in turn, had their own unmet needs. (PP)
❖ I would like to read a quote from a 20-year-old guy named Brad:
Brad—Looking Back…: I’m in a relationship right now that is probably the best one I’ve had so far. I’ve
had a lot of messed-up relationships in the past. Two years ago, and before asking Chelsea out, I stopped
hooking up. I needed time to re-examine my priorities and to focus on my goals. I think that this extended
period of reflection helped me recognize the reasons I became attracted to certain types of girls. It helped me
figure out what good traits I wanted in a partner. Before re-examining my priorities, I would exclusively
pick girls who appeared promiscuous and troubled, just like me. I had lots of baggage myself—some of it
related to the fact I moved seven times as a kid and had to deal with my mom’s abusive boyfriends.
Anyway, with all my previous relationships, I believed that I was there for sex with a “throw-away” girl
and would have no trouble dropping her if the relationship got to be trouble or too taxing. What would
often happen is that I would feel like I had “fallen in love” with them, and they would manipulate me into a
wretched lump—seeing they were better at the “mind games”. They were generally pretty troubled and had
rough childhood experiences, including divorce and sexual abuse.
READ ALOUD
Brad’s Story
