Lesson 6 118 Copyright 2018 Marline E. Pearson ❖ Pick a good shoulder on which to cry. Find a person you can trust—a wise person who has some perspective to offer you. A wise person will not encourage you to chase after your ex or engage in the revenge game. Review the Surviving a Breakup handout (Resource 6e, pg. 122). (PP) 1. Don’t blame yourself. There are many reasons why relationships end. Make a list of your positive qualities. Ultimately, you want a partner who admires you, recognizes your qualities, is as crazy about you as you are about him or her, and accepts the real you. Make a list of what you want in a partner. What can you learn from this relationship? Are there things you need to work on to build yourself up? 2. Face reality—it’s over. Don’t be obsessed with winning this person back. You can’t force a relationship. It sacrifices your dignity to beg for a relationship, to act desperate, or to try to chase after the person. 3. Stay away from the revenge game. Forget about getting even or spreading rumors. It’s immature and makes you a small person. 4. Get perspective. Many people go through a number of romances. This is a normal part of life. With each relationship, you can grow wiser and more insightful about yourself, what you are looking for, and how relationships should be. Talking with a caring adult can give you some needed perspective. 5. Don’t jump quickly into another relationship. Some people hop into another relationship right away to make their ex-partner jealous or to make themselves feel better. This only leads to more problems and is not good if you have a child. Give yourself time. Identify what you want to work on and do for yourself. 6. Get out and do things. After you’ve given yourself time to cry, get busy. Don’t wallow in self-pity. Shoot baskets or kick a ball, or go walking, biking, or fishing. Take up a hobby. Get outside. Sunshine and the outdoors can be healing. Getting active will make you feel better and put you in a position to meet new people. Call friends and make plans. 7. Remember, things get better with time. Caution: If you’re still depressed and crying months later, talk to a parent, a trusted adult, or a school counselor who can help you deal with your emotions and gain perspective.