Copyright 2023 Marline E. Pearson
LESSON 6 103
Mastering the Time Out Skill can help you put the brakes on, back off, and cool down before
arguments get out of control.
Using the Speaker Listener Technique can help you when you come back after calming down to
deal with your issues or problems.
You’ll be learning these skills and more later in this program.
Skills can really help, but never ever minimize arguments that escalate. They can be a path to greater danger.
Heads up and beware: There is another type of violence called intimate terrorism. Let’s examine that now.
(PP) This type of partner violence is not about a person lacking
communication skills:
It is about a person wanting total control and power over someone.
It includes emotional and verbal abuse designed to wear a partner
down, destroy their self-esteem, and narrow their consciousness so that
they do not feel capable of leaving.
Typically, the abuser tries to isolate and cut their partner off from others.
This form of violence typically increases in intensity and frequency.
The majority of perpetrators of intimate terrorism* are male. But it happens in all kinds of relationships,
regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation.
Once a person gets attached, an intimate terrorist may not let their partner go.
A victim is never more in danger of being killed than when trying to leave an intimate terrorist.
Abusers, more than anything, want to keep their control. That is threatened if their partner leaves.
Most killings happen when the partner decides to leave. According to the national crime data, half of
all female murder victims are killed by intimate partners. 1 out of 13 male murder victims are killed
by intimate partners.9
This is why it is so important for a person to reach out to dating violence experts for help in getting
to safety—in devising an exit plan.
Intimate Terrorism8
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