Copyright 2023 Marline E. Pearson
LESSON 6 117
Instructor Discussion Tips for It Depends Cards
One person tries to please the other person.
Discussion: This can be positive if both partners engage in behaviors to please the other. Doing
kind things for a partner is healthy. It would be a red flag if one person was doing all the pleasing
or if there was a fear of being dumped or threatened if the partner wasn’t pleased.
The person you are going with wants to take the relationship to a sexual level. You
do not want to add sex to your teen relationship.
Discussion: It may be normal for a person to “want” to become sexual. It stays safe and normal
if they respect your wishes—your boundaries. If the person won’t let up the pressure, gets
intimidating, or starts to bully, it has definitely crossed the line.
We had an argument. We both got upset and yelled at each other.
Discussion: Everybody has arguments from time to time, and most people have raised their
voices. We’re not perfect. But this would cross the line if arguments and yelling are a constant
backdrop to the relationship or if they spill over into pushing and shoving.
She got jealous when I talked to my old girlfriend.
Discussion: It’s pretty normal to get jealous, but it depends on what she does about it. Is she
creating all sorts of drama around it? Accusing her of stuff she’s not doing? Keeping constant tabs
on her? That crosses the line.
Lied to me and apologized.
Discussion: Most of us could not say with an honest face that we have never lied. Maybe you
didn’t want to hurt the person’s feelings. Maybe you are honestly sorry for a lie. It would take it
over the line if the lying was habitual and the behavior didn’t change. Apologies can get old in
that case. It also might depend on what they lied about.
My partner is worried about the influence one of my friends is having on me and
doesn’t want me to hang with them.
Discussion: People can be worried when they see someone they care about going down a bad
path. It’s healthy to encourage those you care for to make positive changes. This situation might
cross the line if this person just didn’t like their friend, was trying to control and dictate who they
can see or wants to monopolize all their time.
I don’t want others to know I’m in a relationship or indicate it on my social media.
Discussion: Maybe this person is questioning or not ready to come out. This must be respected. It’s no
one else’s right to decide when one comes out. On the other hand, let’s say someone was just playing
a person and enjoying “friends with benefits” for themselves yet knowing full well the other person
believes they have something going—a relationship. That’s a red flag of a user and manipulator.
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